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georgeinar

Here's my Feb 08 song for OSAM: The Mines of Mars. I stuck my neck out and recorded my voice without alot of effects so let me know if it's too dry sounding. I like the words to be very clear so too much compression and verb takes away from the clarity of the lyrics. I"m curious about the mix as well as I did this one with less booming bass and more high end harmonics and exciter. You can click on my link below or if that doesn't work simply visit my soundclick.com website in my signature and find The Mines of Mars. Appreciate any feedback here. This took me about 3 weeks to do.

http://www.soundclick.com/util/getplayer.m3u?id=6211592&q=hi
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George Nelson is 2loose
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JonSolo · Posted: Fri Feb 01, 2008 3:20 pm Post subject:

Very cool George! Slick production! And the unique lyrical angle is definitely a welcome departure. Though the style is different you know you will draw comparisons to Devo's cover of "Working in a Coal Mine". But I honestly like your song better. Very modern. Would fit well in any club as well.

With one thing...

Your vocal was fantastic and delivered what it needed to in the verses. Somehow I wanted to hear a contrast in the chorus section (i.e. "I only have sex annually...."). Maybe a doubled voice (that doesn't sound too doubled) would have worked. Of course I see how you saved that overall effect for the "martian" ending.

The vocals were not too dry. The lack of effects actually seemed to give the track good contrast to the instrumentation. I just wanted something beefier during the chorus. That is maybe just my personal preference kicking in.

But you still get two thumbs up!

Jon

Edit: The mix sounded great. I think a booming bass would have robbed the feel of the song. And there is no bass deep in the mines of Mars...everyone knows that!
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Lorenzo · Posted: Fri Feb 01, 2008 3:31 pm Post subject:

so this is the start of OSAM 2008-2009? very promising!
Regards, Lorenzo
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ellll · Posted: Fri Feb 01, 2008 9:05 pm Post subject:

High George...,

Really NEAT Ind/Roc tune here...Enjoyed it.!! I really liked the perc, in particular at the beginning...and the electronic palette is very good...It could have a break to a strong conflicting instrument at the middle break...like feedbacker or sim. Something in Xtreme guitar.. Might add interest. I think I would use some additional electronics wild cards nearing the end...something with more frequency disturbance...HOWEVER...that might damage the driving industrial feel...so I don't really know...Overall it was very good, and little to change my perception of the past!! I enjoyed it!!!

Not sure about the sex schedule....little regressed..seems to me...!!!

I agree on the mix...almost flawless, as usual...Great Job!!

Best Regards, John (ellll) Shocked

georgeinar · Posted: Sat Feb 02, 2008 1:04 am Post subject:

Jonsolo: I do agree that something like delay or a wider stereo separation at the chorus was one thing I had thought about doing. The tricky thing is that the loudest lick of music at that section is separated to a hard left and right pan so it's dominating the far left and far right, the voice would still need to carry thru the center. But maybe a delay thing, a quick slapback that's not too loud to muffle the words. I will probably leave this alone for now as I'm onto the next nightmare already and this one will be lyrically a personal nightmare as it's a slow electro ballad, and with the way i do spoken word, it's going to be intersting to say the least.

Elll: Thanks for your feedback. I actually thought about a lead part in spots but nothing really inspired came out of those attempts. Also, I wanted to showcase the hissing sounds to indicate an industrial invironment. Maybe a bit more hammer sounds or something. Anyway thanks for listening. I know you've been wanting to experiment with beat based music yourself.

Lorenzo: Thanks for listening to my very strange song. I look forward to hearing your piece as well.
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George Nelson is 2loose
http://www.cdbaby.com/artist/2loose for my cds
http://www.soundclick.com/2loose or follow my tweets = 2loose_buzzgoth (twitter name)

JonSolo · Posted: Sat Feb 02, 2008 1:41 am Post subject:

A doubled voice both center panned is what I had in mind...especially since the ending used the stereo spread.

I am looking forward to your next one...from your comments it sounds like a challenge that you are somewhat looking forward to.

Jon
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Jon Solo

http://www.solosounds.net
http://jonsolo.me
http://www.soundcloud.com/jonsolo
http://www.twitter.com/thejonsolo

Windows 10 | Intel i9 9900K | 64 GB RAM | Scarlett 18i20 | Nektar Panorama P6
Korg Kronos - 88 | Korg Kronos 2 - 61 | Roland Fantom 6 | Push 2 | Maschine Mk2 | Slate ML1 | JBL LSR308/310
Nuendo 11 | Ableton Live 11 | Reason 12 | FL Studio 20.9

DrWho · Posted: Sat Feb 02, 2008 4:51 am Post subject:

Dude - its been awhile since I've heard your tunes - so it was fun to hear you voice in there again - with your wild lyrics. Love the industrial sound - all Triton Studio eh? The ending voice efx were a riot Smile

I am w/JonSolo on the chorus - might have added more dimension to make the chorus stand out a bit.

Ohh, I almost forgot - I expected a bass sound that stood out more - but you've got to remember that I am a bass player Smile

There were some nice bass maneuvers in there - I wanted them to shine a bit more.

Nice start for the year Cool

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georgeinar · Posted: Sat Feb 02, 2008 5:45 am Post subject:

Well, I could probalby bring what bass there is a bit more upfront, but this style often doesn't have any bass at all and I like a thin bottom on this one as the drums really punch and it sounds hollow. I will say for the record that I intentionally made this somewhat derivative. Devo has been mentioned. Also, no bass is a Prince invention. The lyric style I got my inspiration from Ziggy Stardust/David Bowie. Some Depeche Mode concepts are sprinkled thru there and then the humor. This was an attempt at creating a new hybrid style of industrial glam art rock, or something like that. Noise glam, perhaps.

The sounds were generated on the TS but then I reworked them thru soundforge and ozone 3, using slayer plugins and trash for distortion, though there isn't a lot of distortion on this one. I'm still mixing on the free version of Audacity. That Audacity really kills. I'm surprised at that.
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George Nelson is 2loose
http://www.cdbaby.com/artist/2loose for my cds
http://www.soundclick.com/2loose or follow my tweets = 2loose_buzzgoth (twitter name)

Dee · Posted: Sat Feb 02, 2008 8:29 am Post subject:

Hiya George - woo-hoo! and WOW

Very smooth production overall, I heard the David Bowie sound here too. I loved the bass line and great hiss sounds in the beat.

I thought you could make the start of each verse really stand out more. For example, after the intro maybe cut out some of the rhythm stuff in the measure just before the voice enters for the first time. When the verse returns at 2:13 how about raising the pitch of your "spoken word" for the "here we come...." with a sort of vocal lilt , then back to as before.

Great work, and am looking forward to your electro ballad Question

Dee

georgeinar · Posted: Sat Feb 02, 2008 1:36 pm Post subject:

Thank you Dee for the comments. I usually do drop out the music some for the verse part as that's the easiest way to punch the lyrics and focus on the vocal. In fact every song I ever did for a while got fairly quiet in the verse. So I was trying to avoid that in this one. But I'm thinking now that I could just drop almost everything for like only one measure. Sort of like Heartbreak Hotel type songs where the music just stabs a couple times for the opening of the verse. Do that and then beef up the vocal effects on the chorus part as Jonsolo suggested. YOu guys are just fantastic. As much as I'd love to be done here, by the time I release the cd I will like to have attempted some of these suggestions. My last cd was much better for having taken the time to listen to everyone's comments and redeveloped my songs.
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George Nelson is 2loose
http://www.cdbaby.com/artist/2loose for my cds
http://www.soundclick.com/2loose or follow my tweets = 2loose_buzzgoth (twitter name)

jazlover · Posted: Sat Feb 02, 2008 2:53 pm Post subject:

Wow, very well produced and well thought out. Excellent work!!

You achieved what you were after and I hate to suggest anything. It doesn't need anything but here goes. I would say Ditto to most of the comments above. If you could differentiate the chorus in a subtle way by vocal drop out, panning, brief solo run [guitar or otherwise] or something distinctive in the chorus. It would add even more interest. I am trying to learn to make more of a A and B part to my songs (a real struggle for me).

I am amazed at how different everyone music is to my own. This make me more anxious than ever about my own process. You have set a high mark....Damn it! Rolling Eyes

Back to work for me. I will light some candles go back to my studio and invite the muses to visit. Thanks for heading this OSAM and for sharing.

Is it really Febuary ?
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georgeinar · Posted: Sun Feb 03, 2008 9:30 am Post subject:

Hey Jaz: I am doing each piece now by working on at least 3 or 4 separate looping sequences which I do almost independently from each other with one perhaps starting on C and the second section on F or G or something that contrasts my root loop. I forget what you're recording on, but on the TS you can then cue list them and juggle the sections around seeing how they fit into each other and then from there begin constructing the overall piece. This does create distinctive sections. Especially I will often do the drums completely from scratch for each portion and then just thread them with an arp bass or something to make sure the change isn't too jarring. Depending on the style i'm doing though this may or may not do the trick. For most industrial it doesn't seem to change up that much throughout the piece, in fact some of it is almost a big long repeating loop for about 4 minutes. So in this song I tried to do a happy medium between typical pop verse/chorus/bridge and a constant industrial foot stomp. I decided against doing an overly electrified vocal as is often done in industrial as I find those vocals numbing and uninteresting even though you're really supposed to do that if you're going to do real industrial.
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George Nelson is 2loose
http://www.cdbaby.com/artist/2loose for my cds
http://www.soundclick.com/2loose or follow my tweets = 2loose_buzzgoth (twitter name)

DrWho · Posted: Sun Feb 03, 2008 1:03 pm Post subject:

See - everyone has their own creation process. I don't use the TS cue thingy. Sometimes I don't even use the sequencer - depends on if I need to edit my playing.

But for capturing ideas which seed songs - I'll just audio record a bunch of stuff, then start drawing from those snippets to start building. At some point I need to go back to the TS looking for something more specific in terms of sound and playing. Its funny but the chord structure for my electronic tunes is one of the last things I figure out - whereas for the other types the chords come earlier in the process.

George - I re-listened to your tune - it is definitely one of your better tunes.
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Stephen · Platinum Member Joined: 28 Aug 2002 Posts: 4709

Wow!
Way to start things off George.
Are you still sequencing on the Triton?
Amazing production either way, and I had forgotten just how highly I regard you instrument selections.
Well done.
Sounds Good

Stephen
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Diego · Posted: Mon Feb 04, 2008 11:17 am Post subject:

Hi George!

I start saying that I like your tune!!
Good work, as always, I'm sorry that my bad english don't let me understand clearly all your lyrics, but it's my fault Embarassed

I like that industrial sound, it has a good feeling, but my suggestion is to try some different sounds,too. To my ears now it's sounding a little too "essential"; what I mean is that I ear a lot of energy in the tune, the groove is great, and with that energy I would use much more distorted sounds, I expected it to sound more "in your face", with fatter sounds, with more "evil"!!!

I hope you can understand me (you all know I'm not that good to explain what I have in mind)...BTW, I like a lot your piece, I would love to ear the difference with more "villain" sounds.

regards
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