I take it I'm rambling too much
Going to post part (the relevant part) of a long post I posted on Pianoworld last month.
The reason I originally posted this was that people were asking for advice, saying that a teacher was impossible for them, and rather than give the advice they asked for, they were told to get a teacher and their reasoning for not getting a teacher was constantly being questioned.
As it happened, the actual guy I was responding to, it was a misunderstanding by both of us as to where the other person was coming from and we ended up having great mutual respect for each other. But my post was still valid for numerous other posters on that site and many thanked me for posting it.
I'm not after any sort of sympathy by reposting this, I just want you all to understand why this thread has become like it has.
[First part removed as irrelevant for this discussion]
As soon as you bring illness (and many other things like wanting to be able to afford food regularly) into the equation, saying someone should get a teacher, and sort of implying you don't know why being disabled should affect that decision, well it shows me you haven't much experience as to how different illnesses can affect different people.
I'm ill. 15 years ago I was earning £42k, for the last 12 years I haven't been able to work and the hospital specialists won't let me even consider part time work. Last year I received £5200 in state benefits, £100 a week, and that's gone up by a little each year.
My wife works, we are financially fine but we don't have much spare money at all due to me not earning. She recently treated me to a Korg Kronos 88 which wasn't cheap, but she knows that I hardly leave the house, music is something I enjoy, and she is happy for the family to go without a holiday for another few years for me to have such a nice treat.
But even if I actually wanted a teacher, we couldn't afford one. But it's far more complicated than that.
Every one hour I'm up, I have to take a 15 min rest.
Watching TV, reading a book, listening to an audio book, playing my keyboard, being in a room sitting down talking to someone, none of that counts as rest. So if I'm watching a film on tv, I have to pause it and go into the other room, put on some chill out music and sit in my armchair, arms and legs relaxed, eyes closed.
If I went to see a teacher, the time putting on my shoes etc isn't rest, the walk to the car isn't rest, neither is the journey in the car. Then there's the lesson, then there's the drive home.
Chances are I wouldn't end up back in my armchair relaxing within the hour and if I don't, then the next day or two I will spend mostly asleep and won't have the energy to play my keyboard at all.
But it's worse than that, the 15 min rest every hour is for when I'm doing very little at home. As soon as going out is put into the equation or having to meet people at a certain time, that's a different thing altogether.
This morning I had a doctors appointment where all I had to do was have my blood pressure taken both standing and sitting, squeeze a handgrip three times to measure how hard I can grip things, then blow into a device three times to measure my lung capacity.
My appointment was at 9am and I was done by 9:15. She stressed she wanted me to go home and do virtually nothing for the rest of the day as that 15 mins (along with having to get there) would have been too much for me.
All that aside, often I sleep for hours in the day time, there's never two identical times I can play, I might feel up to practising at 10 am tomorrow, 3pm the next day, not have the energy to practice at all the next, and happily be able to practice/play anytime the following day, just pausing for my rests every hour.
So if I wanted a teacher, I would have to find one that could either come to me, was 15 mins or less drive away, was dirt cheap, and I can phone up and say I will be well enough to come right now, but I can't guarantee if I will be well enough in two hours time, yet alone a fixed time and date next week.
What's more, if you knocked on my front door and I answered it, you would presume I was a normal healthy man.
Many people have many reasons they can't have teachers, people with physical or mental (or both) disabilities where they are fighting with pain, breathing, headaches, not being able to concentrate for periods of time, etc, none of these can book an appointment in advance as they dont know how well they will be on the day.
Then you have those where the stress of meeting with a teacher is simply too much (hard to understand if your well, but can be very very draining if your not).
And many of us choose a musical outlet.
13 years ago I could walk miles, swam regularly, went to the gym, had a big garden I enjoyed working on etc etc etc. In the past few years I've just existed really, three months go by and I struggle to find something I've actually done except for watching tv or browsing the web (can't concentrate on books anymore, have joined audible as if I didn't listen to them, that would be another pleasure lost).
So I buy a cheap 2nd hand keyboard a year or so ago, and I finally have something I enjoy that isn't tv or computer (I used to have many synths all hooked up to my Atari computer years ago before I got ill) and my wife sees how much I'm enjoying it and how I have a sort of purpose/outlet again. So she buys me some computer synths (Native Instruments Komplete), my daughters at Uni and my wife gave her the money to buy me the educational version of Cubase for my PC, and this year she treats me to my Kronos that I've been going on about since it was mentioned early last year.
And I'm very very happy.
I want to learn to play better, I've got an online course recommended by someone on this board (play piano today) and I'm enjoying myself having fun and learning well in my opinion.
With the wealth of YouTube vids etc, there's plenty of info out there for the person like me that wants to learn themselves.
Thing is, I'm usually very very reluctant to ask questions etc on this board as I know someone will simply respond " you need a teacher"
And absolutely no one should have to explain themselves to you like I have above to justify themselves for your benefit when they say a teacher is out of the question.
If someone says they cant have a teacher, who are you to judge their reasonings and question them when they say this?
I only described my personal situation here to show you how unfair it is for you and others to keep saying this.
Please stop.
Best
Joe
I've posted that to try and show why I am acting like I am.
I am a very intelligent person, I have a very very active mind.
I am very very mechanically and electronically etc minded. I can re-plumb my entire house, rewire it etc, or I could strip a car engine down.
I have a workshop out the back with most things in it, wood turning lath, band saw etc, lovely Myford metal lathe that I started stripping down about 4 years ago and haven't even got as far as getting near finishing stripping it, yet alone putting it back together again.
I'm also very good with a soldering iron and have no real problems taking anything apart whether it's a washing machine, or I need to replace the capacitors in my Sky boxes power supply.
But due to my health, I might be very good at it, but I'm rarely able to do much. In the past 4 years, I doubt I've spent a total of 8hrs in my workshop
I started refurbishing the kitchen 12 years ago. I probably end up doing 1 to 2 weeks more to it each year but it's still not finished. Luckily my wife is very patient. I have got friends that would do it, but I want to do it myself
Otherwise I sort of feel useless. It might take me years, but it's my project and I have a purpose in finishing it (hope you can grasp what I mean)
It makes me ill having the worry of having to do things at a certain time, having to be somewhere at a certain time, or having to deal with things when they go wrong.
Many people I know turn to me when they have problems with their PC's. Most I have no problem with, I find tinkering with a PC at my leisure very therapeutic.
However, the way my health affects my mental state, I hate having things outstanding where I'm expected to do something.
What I mean is, a friend dropped their laptop off last week, they fully understand about my health, said they are in no hurry for it back, they have access to another one and to look at it at my leisure.
That's totally fine, zero stress for me at all.
Then there's people like one of my neighbours that some idiot told I was good with computers. He will knock at my door (often at very silly times like 10pm) , say he's having problems with his PC and could I have a quick look at it. If I say I cant as I don't feel well, he will say something like "OK no worries, what about Monday afternoon, I'm in all afternoon".
The end result of that is I cant handle the stress of knowing I have to be there Monday afternoon, so regardless of how ill I am, whether I should be resting, I simply end up going over straight away and sorting it.
If your well, that's probably very hard to understand, I sort of go OCD about these things, something that never happened before I got ill.
The reality is, if I look at this year, I've probably been round 5 friends houses looking at their PC's for them, been to the supermarket down the road about 10 times with my wife, been into my local town twice and gone with my wife to take my offspring to their university (which then makes me very ill the next few weeks, but it's something I'm determined to do regardless). I've also had numerous doctor and hospital appointments.
I don't think I've hardly left the house except for that.
I've watched TV, I've listened to loads of audio books, I play Lord of the Rings Online (which I find therapeutic most of the time, and the guild/kin I'm in the people know about my health and understand fully), and I've played my keyboard/cubase/ Komplete.
That's about it for the entire year.
And it's not like I've spent hours each day heavily engrossed with playing, it's been more like,
Monday, too ill to play, Tuesday play for 45 mins, Wed, too tired to play, Thu a 4 hr session (with rests) Fri too ill to play etc etc etc
When I have things on my mind and I'm very tired, I often go off on one like I am now, as if I stop and think, that will be it, I will have to stop typing completely and go to sleep.
Anyway, I'm not after any form of sympathy, I'm just trying to explain about my twitter like diary
I haven't got another keyboard to play, so for the past two weeks, its literally been TV, Lord of the Rings Online, on my ipad and little else.
Sure I can play with Komplete using my qwerty keyboard, but without an actual piano keyboard to play I don't really enjoy it.
The way my mind works due to my health, things being wrong stress me out. I need to know about my Kronos fix, I need to know what they are doing about it and I need to know when I'm having it back.
It's very hard to explain.
If I was well, who cares if I'm without my Kronos for a few weeks, who cares if they take a week to get back to me, it's annoying but life can be like that, I could do loads of other things like go out to my workshop, go swimming, taker my dogs to the beach or whatever.
But I'm not well. I'm sitting at home feeling well enough to play my keyboard but not having one to play and it frustrates me.
Hence I become the customer from hell for Korg.
I was talking to my 21 yr old daughter on the phone earlier, I read what sharp had written and laughed, she also laughed but said it wouldn't surprise her in the slightest if I was the customer from hell, but she added that if her health was like mine, she would be too.
It's due to my health that I went to so much trouble initially to make sure I didn't receive the Kronos with the older style contacts on because I know how loopy it would send me.
Sorry for posting another very long post, I'm just trying to explain to you why I am acting like I am and why this Kronos problem is so bad for me.
Hopefully come Tuesday, it will all be sorted
best
Joe
